Monday, April 2, 2012

You Live Like This?

My mother brought me up a lady, unlike yours.

Puckermatron: A Puckermatron is possibly a dying breed. A woman (usually) with the soul of a bank teller. Since bank tellers themselves are disappearing as role models, the gradual fading from ladylike puckery isn't surprising.

A Puckermatron is like an aunt you may have had, or a grandmother. One who wore high-top, button-up shoes, and was likely a Protestant of some denomination or other. And took it seriously. In fact, this type of personality takes everything seriously, especially when it does not measure up. And it never does. And no one does.

A Puckermatron is a sourpuss, perennially puckered of the soul.

The main characteristic of this personality is the certain knowledge that there is one and only one way to live, and neither you nor your friends or relatives, nor possibly anyone in your ratty little country is living correctly, and very likely you are all incapable of learning how, since you are part of a debased and degraded mongrel breed unlike the upright upstanding and well-starched citizens at home.

And you have germs.

These people are not comfortable traveling until they return home and can tell everyone how horrible the rest of the world is.


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