US Ambassador Locates Ecuador

For U.S. Ambassador to Ecuador Watt C. Muffly, it's all about relationships and opportunity.

Apparently. That's what he says.

The new U.S. Ambassador to Ecuador speaks softly and has an easy smile that generally makes him immediately approachable, but today it's somewhat different. He's still speaking softly but (for a while) his tone was uncertain, evidencing perhaps a slight amount of trepidation. Perhaps confusion. Disorientation. He was not exactly sure where he was, exactly. For a while.

True, the Ambassador has heard of Ecuador, a smallish country sitting on the left shoulder of South America, and did know that he had been posted there, and was sure that his plane had been pointed in that direction. But he wasn't sure that he had actually arrived.

The map, his map, didn't seem to match up with anything he saw, which was initially somewhat confusing.

But this was all straightened out when he turned the map over, and then things got even better when he put north back where it belonged — on top. Everyone sighed. Some with relief.

According to those who know him, the Ambassador is is the kind of man you would invite to dinner at your house, just because you know he would be a good addition to any mix of company. Which may be why he got the job. Or maybe his map-reading skills indicated that a posting to France could be problematic for various reasons.

Anyway, he's here (or there, depending on where you're standing at the moment), and things are looking better now.

Last week the Ambassador was in Cuenca, a city known as a U.N. World Heritage site, due to its funky old buildings, and also known as possibly the cleanest city in all of Latin America, and the one with the best drinking water. All good things.

Once in Cuenca, the Ambassador introduced himself to local authorities, expats, and members of the news media while becoming more familiar with the city. By stepping in a pile of dog excrement. Which happens, even in Cuenca, because clean is a relative ranking, compared to other places, which can be much worse.

But it happens. You have to get past it. Which he seemed to do by way of a short hop following a brief utterance. Before wiping his shoes on the mayor's lawn.

Coincidentally, and possibly felicitously, Cuenca Mayor Marcelo Cabrera was traveling, out of town at the time, so no one other than second-rank flunkies saw any of this, and an introduction to the mayor will have to wait for another time.

This is also good, most likely.

Other than that event, as noted, the Ambassador said that he has had a smooth start in building those relationships that he views as critical to his work. The prefect and the governor presented me with no complaints, he said, smiling with a satisfaction that presumably represents his government's views about right and wrong.

I really tried to get them to tell me if anything was not going well, and they said 'no, the American expats who have settled here are all great — they seem to do nothing but eat, and deposit gobs of money from their retirement checks, right here in and around our city streets, and since they had to leave their guns at home, we mostly don't fear them so much any more'. And that's wonderful to hear — just the way we like it, the Ambassador concluded, pretty much amicably.

In an expat media interview Saturday morning, Ambassador Muffly continued to express his approval, suggesting only that U.S. citizens could advance the work of the U.S. State Department a bit by integrating themselves even more into the city and its efforts at improving education, health, the stray dog situation, whatever, like helping to fix up some of these old buildings, maybe getting a Walmart or two out there — that sort of thing. Couldn't hurt, as long as we bring here only the best that American culture has to offer.

Also, of course, whenever anyone coming to a new country experiences things that are a bit different or that we don't like, the Ambassador said, continuing to wipe his shoe after moving to a fresh patch of lawn.

I would hope that expat media would not use its platform for complaining about Ecuador. Saying 'why don't they have this here' or 'why don't they do that' makes our job as relationship builders more difficult, he said, seeming to be only slightly distracted by this time.

And now, a full two weeks after arriving, how does Muffly feel about his new posting to Ecuador?

I'm excited. Terrifically excited. Really. I am. Just going on a brief walk around Quito (where the Ambassador resides) I found two shoe shops that carry footwear in my size. I can't wait to get back there and do some serious buying, he said, shaking his left foot as he spoke, perhaps unconsciously. I'm definitely not looking backward, or downward, only forward toward a successful resolution of all issues, he said, continuing to smile weakly, though diplomatically.

Which might be why he got the job.

I Greet You With Smiling Teeth

We provide great service job.

Carlos Rutabaga, CEO, CIO, MVP, OBE
CSB Financial Services
Friday, May 13, 2101Dear CSB Client:

We at CSB Financial Services thank you for your interest ,

We have a coorporation. Is so sound in the financials. Because I tell you this is why I am trusted investment counselor.

I would like to inform you of some special "Deals" which we have in our in-box especially for expats this very day.

Number One is CSB Palatinum Club Account; of a long term commitment nature, being 24 months, this is our highest yielding account and pays out interest earnings on a monthly basis, depending on shipment schedules and possible interceptions. Average yield 18.50%. This count is preferring for those clients that want a monthly cash flow or a high yield investment vista account. The emphasis to noate is high yield. Very high yield which we guaranteer 100% safe, depending on interceptions, etc., etc.

Number Two is CSB Club Convenient Account; is a 90 day plus interest bearing account, that CSB clients use to bear interests for holding your funds while in the buying process, or while waiting to receive the ransom note. We are associated with all the Colombian, Mexican, Peruvian, etc. Trusts that pay out as each phase is completed, or during hostage negotiations, insuring you are getting the interest you are hoping for. This account pay out 7.35% except on death, in which case no refund is possible of course.

CSB GOLD & SILVER Club Account; Special this week only if you are interested in precocious metal the Ecuador is a place to buy and store your Gold and Silver. We purchase your order issue you a certificate and store your metal in a cozy facility very near my personal home though security is hardly needed as country is 100% safe for now.

CSB can also assist you in the formation of a corporation, cartel, syndicate, and getting "body guarders" just tell us how many, we even provide the arms so you don't have to. The banking institutions we affiliate with are located in 7 different countries and backed by Billion Dollars. None of these banks are obligated to report transactions to the U.S. so you are double safe.

Again, we appreciate your interest and look forward to assisting you with your financial needs. Please feel free to contact us with any questions you may have not too many we hope.

Sincerely,

Carlos The President

P.S. Open Thursday evenings by appointment. Ask for Mike.

Stranger In A Strange Land

Home is where the spooky is.

I was askin Mike, hey Mike, where should I move to when I get out a the tunnels?

Mike used to be hooked on meth but he's OK now. He's a stand-up guy.

Life ain't what it used to be. Mike and me, we live under Las Vegas, in the tunnels. So I says to my buddy Mike, hey, where should I go when I move out?

A couple years back we had 12,000 people in the tunnels. That was before my time, truth be told, but now we're up to 14,000. Yeah, right. Fourteen friggin thousand mole people living in tunnels under Las Vegas, and I'm one a them now, but not for long.

Like there's this woman, Sali. Sali was a cashier in a hotel for 21 years. Then, bada-bing, it closes up, three years ago, like overnight. Talk to her now. What does she say? "I got lots of pain, you know? A lot of pain," says Sali.

Hey Sali, I feel your pain. I got pain too. We all got pain. Endless friggin pain down here in the tunnels.

But I want somethin better, you know what I mean? I had somethin better, back in the day, and now, hey. I want it back again.

I'm plannin on movin out, you know? That's where Mike comes in. Mike has been around. Mike's a good guy. Sure, he's had his troubles but he's clean now and he's a smart guy, so I ask Mike, hey Mike, where should I move to when I get out a the tunnels?

Well, it ain't so easy, this thing. You figure you throw a dart at a map and go there, but there's plenty a funny stuff out there. Foreign countries and all. Languages. What the fluff. So I figure I'll skip the foreign countries for now and look for a place in the good old U.S. of A.

So I ask Mike for a recommendation.

Like how about Alabama? I like the way that name sounds. It rolls around like a marble on a table top. Al Ah Bam Ah. And Mike says I gotta shave because my mustache looks fake. "It's against the law to have a fake mustache that makes people laugh in church," he says. Hey. I could end up in jail there?

No. Maybe not Alabama then.

So California. Oranges. I could go for that. But Mike says. Eating an orange in your bathtub is prohibited in California. Hey. One a my favorite things to do. Way to spoil things, California.

So now I'm totally lost.

In Delaware you can't get married on a dare. Like I want to, but all the same. Indiana says the value of pi is not 3.1415, it's 4. Hey I been to school. I know that one. I ain't stupid. Scratch Indiana then.

Minnesota won't let you paint sparrows and sell them as parakeets. New Jersey says men can't knit during fishing season. North Carolina. Hey. North Carolina, where it's illegal to sing off-key. Which leaves out guess-who?

Virginia. Tickling women is against the law. Another one a my very favorite things to do, and I find I could not do this thing there.

And a course my favorite of all, South Dakota. Where after your visit to Mount Rushmore and you are tired out and all it is against the law to fall asleep in a cheese factory.

So I guess that leaves me lookin elsewhere then. Maybe some a them foreign countries...you know...ain't so bad then.

Hey, maybe they talk funny and all. The language stuff, you know? But hey. Maybe I could handle that.

I'm a smart guy, I got enough socked away to move out a the tunnels now. Maybe I'll go someplace warm where a few bucks will buy me a bed and I can just take it easy and not worry so much about breakin the law and all.

I used to lay tiles. Maybe I could do that again. Lay tiles.

Maybe Mike will come along. He's OK. Been a great help to yours truly.

I should go ask him. That way we're both out a the tunnels. You know? Me and Mike. He's a stand-up guy.

More:

Homeless People Live in Tunnels Under Las Vegas

Like we didn't always suspect.

Multivariate Drainage

Make mine contra-indicated

You know how the water is supposed to swirl down the drain in one direction or another depending on which hemisphere you live in?

Well, it's not true. Water swirls the way it was going when you filled the pot or tub or toilet. And if it has settled for hours and become quiet, it goes this way or that depending on how you disturb it when you open the drain.

In other words, it goes with the flow according to the nature of things. Which doesn't allow water to know where it is in relation to the equator, what day of the week it is, or who is watching. It simply happens. Pull the plug and water goes whatever way it has to, which is down. Always down.

That is the important thing.

The rest is what happens later. Many things do, but they are much harder than falling through a hole in the bottom of a sink. Harder and more subtle, and they take longer. And there are no shortcuts.

Just as pure, clean, cool water, when dumped may take weeks or months or years to get back to that state, human affairs do to.

I've been thinking about how smart we aren't. Here.

You hear a lot of platitudes and self-congratulation. City on a hill. Best country in the world. Exceptional in its exceptionalism.

You don't hear about going down the drain. Not even after it's happened.

We're soft and stupid and lazy. And doomed. In the short run.

I'm still fascinated every time I hear about it, when a huge company that has been around forever goes bust, after years of decline. Take Eastman Kodak, the latest really big company to do so. Inventor of the digital camera. Holder of more electronic imaging patents than any other company in the world. Foof. Gone. Won't be back.

Ricardo Lagos Escobar wrote "The Southern Tiger: Chile's Fight for a Democratic and Prosperous Future". It's a book. About Chile's recent history. Ostensibly.

That was his purpose, but that is not what I got out of it. That is not only what I got out of it.

During the years of the Pinochet dictatorship the country of Chile followed a neoliberal policy. Here "neoliberal" means, in effect, every man for himself and the devil takes the hindmost. It was a success. In dismantling Chile's government, economy, and much of its social structure.

After Pinochet was gently pushed out of the way, Lagos and many others began rebuilding the country in 1990, a process still very much incomplete. Government and society were so weakened that there were almost no resources left to be used in rebuilding. A small step here, a tweak there, plus a lot of hope and intelligence were all the country's leaders and people had.

But they also had one great advantage: no empire.

There was no huge weight of history or belief in their own importance. The people of Chile knew that they had a small country out on the edge of the world, and they made the best of things.

Unlike us. Unlike U.S.

This country, the United States, has a long way to go. A long way down to go, before we even realize that things are wrong enough to do something serious about them. We are blinded by the certainty that "We're Number One!" and that nothing can touch us.

Like Britain, and its Empire. Remember them? Biggest empire the world has ever seen. Gone. Who looks up to the United Kingdom these days? Anyone?

Relax, reduce, and remove regulations. Let the rich take all. Destroy factories. Close schools. Feed on the dead. Yep. That'll do 'er.

Things are very likely to get much, much worse than they have been lately before they get even worse.

We think we're out of the "recession" but we aren't. It hasn't started yet. We're running on inertia. Enough of our society and economy have not yet been destroyed, but when that point comes, so will the collapse. The only reason the "recession" we're coming out of was a "recession" and not a depression is that, now, unlike in the 1930s, we have a Social Security system, Medicare, Medicaid, food stamps, and unemployment compensation. None of which existed before. All of which the neoliberals want to do away with.

Like they did in Chile. Gleefully. To show how good things could be if only greed ran free. Greed and dictatorship.

Which is where the United States may be headed.

And the beauty of an ideologically-based economy is that when things go wrong, it is because you aren't trying hard enough, not because your ideas are crap. So not only does the ship of state sink, but sinks with all hands on deck, partying harder.

So, like Sears and Circuit City and Best Buy and General Motors, the United States is now circling the drain. Whether it is clockwise or counterclockwise makes no difference as long as that deep dark black hole is there and we are going into it.

And though what happened in Chile is a marvelous example of applied intelligence, of doing what you can with what you have, the United States is just too big and rich and powerful to bother paying attention before the situation is irreversible, or after. For a very long while.

Some day, in the future, remember these Kodak Moments. If you still can.

Bon voyage.

Then, Not Now

Equal Disparity News: Dispatches from the leftern hemisphere.

Or ever, maybe, come to think of it.

The Future: Something you can't imagine, partly becasuse where you are living now it is not believed to exist, and partly because you, the way you are living now, no longer need it.

Unless your refrigerator quits working. And then you find that The Future has become one of many possible alternate and yet so very hypothetical realities, none of which will come to your rescue.

Enjoy. Have a snack. Maybe a nap while you're waiting to see what unexpected thing creeps in under the door.

Back To The Back

Equal Disparity News: Dispatches from the leftern hemisphere.

Haven't we been here before?

Hindquarters country: The one the headquarters isn't in, but you are. An "experience" post. Character building. Possibly cheap, as reflected in your salary.

If you were an ambassador, this would not be France but a very tiny country not exactly shown on any map.