Sunday, November 8, 2015

Announcing G-Spot Beer!

I have a confession to make.

I have eaten bread. In the past, of course.

And that bread was made with wheat.

You know about wheat, right? I mean, if you've been reading this blog for any length of time then you know. Oh, yes, you know.

In fact, if you've been reading this blog for any length of time then you know everything. Everything that I've instructed you on so far, anyway. Of course you'll have to keep coming back for more instruction.

No one is perfect (except me of course), so my tutelage will of necessity continue without end. Because I know everything, and you, you should be grateful that you found me.

So now, back to bread. You have heard of it. You know what goes into it. You know that it will kill you because it is pure poison. So why would you eat it? Don't be a fool.

Just because humans have been consuming wheat and wheat by-products for thousands of years is no reason to continue this shameful practice. You may have parents who survived childhood years full of peanut butter and jam sandwiches, platters full of spaghetti, and bowls of chicken noodle soup, but this does not mean that they escaped unscathed.

Nor you.

It may take generations to gradually unwind the trauma that these meals have caused, and to unwind the damage, even in your own life, though you yourself have never been within ten feet of a cinnamon roll. Beware!

But sticky buns are not the only hazard. There is also beer.

Beer is good. You should drink beer whenever you can get it, and you should drink as much as you can hold. These are proven facts from scientific laboratories. However there is one problem. Beer (as it is habitually manufactured by giant multi-national companies) contains gluten.

Beer contains gluten because beer is made from barley. From barley, hops, water, and yeast. That is the full list of ingredients in the most basic and essential beers. Plus that gluten.

So here we are, sitting in paradise, on top of the Andes mountains in South America, without beer. Because beer contains gluten, and gluten is the most deadly poison in the world.

Well, I say let's just start a petition. Someone here should make gluten-free beer for us.

Since I'm retired, and don't feel like working any more, let alone putting my very own ass on the line by plunking down my life's savings to follow through on this idea, let's just get some Ecuadorians to do it for us.

As my good friend Roberts Terry said just yesterday,

I think an Ecuadorian craft brewery could do a nice bit of business in Ecuador with creating a tasty gluten-free beer - as long as it had decent distribution. You'd be the only gluten-free beer here, at least for a while.

In the US, even the monster, Budweiser, has a respectable gluten-free beer called Redbridge. Sure better than no beer at all on beautiful, warm days like we're enjoying.

We could name it after my two cats, Bojangles and Samwise.

This sounds great, all the more so if someone else takes the risk. And does the work.

So why don't some savvy locals go ahead and plunk down half a million or so to start up a no-gluten brewery, and if we feel like it we'll buy a bottle of their beer every now and then?

If we're in the mood.

Until the next food fad comes along.

We've been through fat and sugar already. Gluten came next, but I believe that gluten in fact was only an introduction to a whole new family of toxic and dangerous foods.

Me, I've got my eye on protein — all protein, not just gluten. Isn't it about time to eliminate protein from our diets entirely?

Each person's first responsibility has to be to preserve our precious bodily fluids. Beer does that of course, but only gluten-free beer.

And given enough clean, fresh, pure gluten-free beer, anything is possible. First the beer, then the protein.

Who's with me on this?


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