I'm not sure yet, but it's got to have wheels, engine not optional. I need a vehicle because it's going to be my home.
I've been living somewhere nice, outside the U.S., but I'm close to the end of my life and I'm bored here. It would be a good place to die, but so far as I can tell, that won't be today, or tomorrow, or even next week, so I might as well get up on my hind legs and move around.
I have places to see, and I can walk. The other version of that is that I can walk and have places I sill want to see, and they aren't here, mostly.
At "home", in the U.S., I know where things are and how to get to them, which means having a vehicle. That's going to be it. I don't own a house and I guess though I could buy something going by that name, it would be pointless to have, because houses — normal houses — don't move. "Mobile homes" don't count. They aren't. Mobile. Or homes, mostly.
The same applies to apartments. They're even more expensive than houses in most ways, but still fixed, and then you always need to keep one eye open for the landlord, not that you're doing anything wrong, but you always have to be ready to present a presentable presence.
In other words, you need to constantly, in effect, wear your best clothes and be on your best behavior.
Screw that.
Anyway, I can't afford to rent anything. Going by the one-third of your income to rent rule, I can't afford anything I'd consider living in, unless it, like any house I'd hypothetically buy, was somewhere I would not want to live. Because that's where the cheap is.
So vehicles, but which?
Going by the Lust Rule, I need a Toyota Yaris iA, s rebadged Mazda 2, available with a manual transmission. Tight, crisp, tiny, responsive, cheap-ish, and frugal all around. But for living in? Eh. About two-thirds the floorspace size of my current bathroom, which is just barely large enough so I don't bump into myself every time I turn around quickly. Take that and figure in about six inches of headroom, and you have a decent coffin for two, but not a great space to call home during a rainy week.
Going by the Rule of Practicalities, I need a van, a cargo van, but they're screamingly expensive, large, skeletal, sloppy, loose, wide, wallowing, unresponsive, and profligate on fuel use. I don't want a 350 cubic inch (6 liter) V8 engine dragging around an empty steel box that retails for $35K at the bottom end. (Or used, 10-15 years old with 150K to 250K miles on it.)
Then there is everything in between.
Like the Kia Soul, a hatchback SUV-wannabe built on the Kia Rio chassis, which has little ground clearance, not much interior room, and lousy fuel economy for such a small vehicle.
Or a step up, a Kia Sportage, Hyundai Tucson, or Nissan Rogue: compact SUVs, which are really smallish to medium-sized family cars with an aggressive look and lots of cupholders. Cupholders are a big thing these days. They appear in car reviews and their numbers and placement affect the final score. And the "infotainment" systems. Fuck infotainment, you ask me. Of my first two cars, which I drove for a total of almost 30 years, neither even had a radio. A radio is enough for me, so fuck infotainment systems.
All of these look decent, and I'm focusing on them because they're readily available through Hertz Car Sales, which is where I'm focused for now. Want used? Check there. Good selection, good deals, but not for every vehicle made.
Other than that — not a bunch. Kia Forte looks great. I had a Hyundai Accent during the summer of 2016 and it was fine, aside from a suspension system consisting of several springs stolen from ballpoint pens and a few marshmallows for dampening. Even drive near a part of town where there's a bump or a dip and you bottom out, then top out, then bounce for half a mile until things settle down. Not much ground clearance either.
Kia Rio looks good, but small, as is the Accent.
Larger Kias and Hyundais are larger, but not much bigger inside, and still low-riding.
Toyota Yaris: no. Not with four-speed automatics. And very small. Toyota Corolla: OK, but a more-expensive version of various Kia, Hyundai, and Nissan models.
If I go cheap, I'll likely pick a Nissan Versa Note, a redesigned version of the Nissan Versa sedan,d and a hatchback with a relatively giant back end. Relatively. You can get one for under $10K, but they're still small inside, have little ground clearance, and relatively small wheels. You get what you pay for, which is, on the good side, high fuel economy and a pretty decent vehicle for the price. Backup: Kia Soul or Hyundai Accent Hatchback.
Most likely to succeed: a Nissan Rogue, a relatively fuel-efficient SUV-styled vehicle with better interior space and decent ground clearance in the 7-inch range. And 17-inch wheels. And the fuel economy is better than the competitors, the Kia Sportage and Hyundai Tucson, which would be the backups. All in the $15K to $17K range, depending on mileage.
So geez — no idea yet. Buy cheap and be cramped but OK or spend 50% more and still be cramped, not get the mileage, but have better wheels and ground clearance for those times when driving on sketchy unpaved roads is the only way to get places.
In a way, no bad choices here, but nothing really stand out, except that it's impossible to find any vehicle which meets all my needs: small on the outside, huge on the inside, cheap but well-built, powerful but economical to drive, built low and sleek for minimum wind drag, but still riding high to handle rough roads.
At least I have both some halfway-decent vehicles to choose from, and, practically speaking all the money I need to get it.
So I guess I'm just whining and ringing my hands again.