Sunday, March 13, 2016

A Recommendation for Robert Dog's Obedience School

Dear People Out There: I want to say a big Thank You!!!!! in the direction of Robert Dog's Obedience School.

The staff at Robert Dog's Obedience School are absolutely the best!!!! When I dropped off my two kids last week I was at Wit's End. I had no idea what to try next, so when a friend suggested Robert Dog's Obedience School, I said Why not???? and called Francisco, my facilitator. He picked up the kids, put them in a bag, and trucked them over to RDOS right away.

I love Francisco. I never need to call him twice, and he's always on time. Maybe I should buy him instead of renting. I'll have to think about that. Anyway, there I was at Wit's End, fasting, having a piña colada, getting my weekly fingernail massage, and waiting for my spirit cleaner to arrive.

I tell you, Rosa, my spirit cleaner, is the best. A few minutes spent with her, receiving a light whipping from a bundle of herbs (santa maria, eucalyptus, poleíto, chilchil, walnut leaf and various wild blossoms), and you know you've been cleansed of stress, for sure, and maybe more, if she's in the right mood.

And then Donald called, disrupting everything. He's my son. I've had it with him and his phone calls for help. He always needs something. It's not like I haven't already given him everything, but he always wants more. Last week it was a hug. Me? He thinks I have time to hang around with him?

First it's Mommy, read me a story. and then it's Mommy, let's play a game, or Mommy, why don't we go to the park. Always something, you know? It's a huge drain on my energy level just listening to that all the time.

So this week I finally had enough. Time for Robert Dog's Obedience School. One call to Francisco and both Donald and Clarissa where whisked over there for some training. They'll be put up in separate kennels for a couple of weeks and after a few rounds of daily training, I expect to get them back acting like proper young children. (Sometimes I have my doubts about Clarissa — all she seems to do is sit in a corner and moan — so we'll see about that.) Anyway, I'm free of them for a while and will have time to focus my limited resources on the important things again.

My ex-neighbor, Francine and her now ex-husband first told me about Robert Dog's Obedience School. They had a daughter who just wouldn't potty train or calm down, and sometimes she'd bite or howl all night — the situation looked hopeless is what they said, until they shipped little Doris off to Robert Dog's Obedience School, and then things were suddenly different. You know, mostly from not having the kid running around the house all day and night, but when they did get Doris back she was totally different.

Hair color, eye color, skin color, all darker — and lots of other things. She was a foot taller and quite a bit heavier than just a month earlier, but now she obeyed every command — fetch, roll over, bark, shake hands, clean your room, do the laundry — the whole nine yards. And no more accidents on the carpet either. She understood what that newspaper in the corner was for (finally), and used it diligently.

I'm looking forward to similarly spectacular results with my two. I can only hope I'm as lucky as Francine and Walter. It was Walter, right? I forget. Well anyway they're still thoroughly satisfied by the outcome of their situation even if Walter isn't around any more. If there was anything even remotely like an issue, it was that when they got their daughter back, somehow she didn't understand English anymore — it was only Spanish. How that all happened in one short month no one is sure, but even that's a plus.

Besides keeping quiet, providing entertainment on command, and doing all the chores, Doris is now helping Fran and Ed (Fran's new live-in) with their Spanish. So, yet another plus.

Based on what I've seen, I can't recommend Robert Dog's Obedience School too highly. Know what I mean?

Sincerely and ta-ta,

The Fabulous Deanna

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