Monday, February 18, 2013

Shung Fwei Makeovers With Banana Jam

A 98.6 percent solution.

Hi, everybody!

Well, today is a new day!

As you might not have noticed, I have recently relocated to beautiful Cuenca, Ecuador, and I love it here!

For new visitors to Fung Ways Newsletter, my name is Banana Jam Hajduk. I am a licensed Counseling Psychologist and Fruit Therapist, trained in the Three Berries tradition of the ancient school of Shung Fway, located at 1613 Santa Monica Boulevard in Los Angeles, California.

I also have an advanced degree in Kitty-Cats and Funny Hats, as well as having studied with the masters of the Colored Fuzz Method in Panama and at the McNeil Island Institution in Washington State.

Why Cuenca?

Good question!

Having lived in several European countries, Belize, Malaysia, the USA, and several Mexican compounds with my former husband Pablo (recently deceased), I decided it was time for a change!

I now enjoy peace and anonymity despite being wanted in several if not most of the countries mentioned. For seminars, of course!

Hah! You big silly!

Well, how about you?

Are you new to life in Cuenca, Ecuador? Did you just move here? Do you have some troubling past life experiences you need sorted out? Well, I have personal experience with that, and I can tell you that plastic surgery and even frequent name changes will not solve all your problems.

So, for those nagging issues that just won't go away, I call on Shung Fwey, and you can too.

A vigorous but gently stimulating Fruit Cup Massage and Earlobe Reading will make you into a New Person. I can guarantee it! And, for those few skeptics out there, I have a no-money back guarantee to back me up.

Once we have your chi-force in line with your sugar balance (and have your pectin chart fully operational), we can move on to discussing your fashion sense and talking about the Real Estate Market.

I'm betting you probably never gave it much thought, but Cuenca is a Hot, Hot Real Estate Market, chock full of opportunity. And just between the two of us - We Can Make It Happen!

A few private consultations, a handful of Fung Tweaks, a bit of Staging Magic, and carefully-worded ads placed in the right international real estate speculation journals will have your head spinning in no time.

Do we hear cash? Yes!

I also do Pet Relaxation Therapy, and what I call my Komfy Kollages using all-natural, all-organic fuzz collected at night from sleeping alpacas. Doesn't that sound like Fun?

Now, I know you want to ease into all this, so next Saturday I'll be giving a free seminar for interested persons, "newbies", and diehard doubters.

We'll be meeting at the Tastee Bean Caffeine-Free Coffee Bar and Harmonic Convergence Research Center at 10 a.m., with a suggested $200 donation to be collected at the door by my friend Mike.

If you want lunch, a certified spiritually-accessible low fat fruit plate will be available from Kate's Eats for a mere $73.

So new to Shung Fwey or not, discover how my environment can affect you and how to hold hands and become one with my bank account.

See you there!

Or else!

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