Thursday, January 24, 2013

A Place For Bill

Freefall at the equator.

They say this is the place to be.

Paradise...

Friendly people...

All services and goods available...

While living well for $600 a month. Or less!

Without even needing to learn Spanish.

Let's see how it's going.

Our guest today is Bill. Bill is recently retired. Bill has just moved to Cuenca, Azuay, Ecuador to find the good life.

Bill has no spouse, pets, uppity diseases, bad habits, or debts. He's a clean-liver, as they say.

A clean-liver with a clean liver.

Heh.

Q: So Bill, how's it going?

A: Well...

Q: Find a place to live yet?

A: No. Can't really say that.

I'm still in a hostel.

Or "hostal" as they say here.

Q: So, "hostal" then. What's that?

A: Think small hotel with private rooms rather than a bunkhouse you share with five other guys and a Belgian shepherd.

In a hostal you have to leave the dog outside.

Q: Sounds great! So what's your beef?

A: Well...

Q: There's lots of cheap apartments, even houses, all over, for under $200, $300 a month. So when are you moving into your dream home?

A: I'm trying.

Q: Trying hard or hardly trying?

A: I submitted a "want-to-rent" notice on that "Gringo-Vine" place, where all the posts have those little happy-face raisin logos?

Q: Great! I bet you got your pick of the prime properties, eh?

A: Well...I did get an email from Gabriela.

She has a half-bedroom, no-bath place above her garage for $950 a month, and all the rain water I can dip from the barrel out back.

Q: Great! What's a half-bedroom apartment like?

A: The bed is four feet long.

Q: Wow! That's a steal! Only $950 a month?

A: And the ceiling is four and a half feet high.

I'm six-two.

And you get into the place by climbing a tree. Which I have had some practice at, so that's a plus.

Kinda.

Q: So then! Gonna snap that one up?

A: Well, I'm not getting any taller, so I may give it some thought.

Gabriela does diesel repair in her garage. The one under the apartment.

She starts work every day at 4:30 by playing the national anthem on the air-horn organ she made.

That would be the Ecuadorean national anthem. Just so we don't get confused here.

Then she lights a few cherry bombs.

Which gets the dogs howling.

And then the chickens go off.

Plus most of the car alarms in a half-mile radius.

Which is not too bad because I'm an early riser and recently misplaced my alarm clock.

But I'm still thinking it over. I do have another place to check out.

Q: Terrific! Tell us about it!

A: No, not really. I just said that to make myself feel better.

Q: Well, I bet it worked! Feeling better already, I bet.

A: Well...no. I don't think so.

I'm going to start therapy tomorrow. Or whenever the rain lets up.

After all, if you can't find happiness in paradise, well.

There must be something wrong with you.

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